We are currently in the midst of an epic political battle for the Mayor of Lakewood, the likes of which only Homer could accurately portray through the written word. This pivotal event, some would lead you to believe, will make or break the future of our fine city. This city has survived less than competent politicians in the past. So why, all of a sudden, is this race of such importance?

Is it the soaring crime not represented in the statistics, or the roads which were neglected for many years? Is it the lack of hanging baskets adorned with beautiful flowers that leads us to this unrecoverable nose dive? Or have the problems in our community been greatly exaggerated because they are relatively minor and easily corrected?

NO! I fanatically state. People seeking office would never embellish the statistics, lay it on thick, exaggerate the truth, overstate the facts, elicit concern, omit essential parts of the whole picture, or in any way shape or form, lie to us.

I have discovered the true reason for the importance of this race: We need a strong leader to avert the end of the world in 2012 as foreseen by the Aztecs.

Yes, folks, the world is ending in just over four short years. The pestilence, famine, disease, death and destruction of all that we know and hold dear can be deferred with the proper decision in this year’s mayoral election. That’s why it’s so important!

You should no longer feel safe walking down the streets of Lakewood as you do now, for the end is near! Forget the friendly conversation with your neighbors, the great schools and city services, convenient shopping and wonderful entertainment, excellent police force and even, dare I say, the Lakewood Observer (such blasphemy!)

Our Mayor must be strong and swift to procure a new mall to forestall the end of the world. Our new leader must be charismatic in order to lead our people in a march to rid this city once and for all of all green space (for it might burn in the coming conflagration). Our new leader must speak in circles and repeat everything many times in order to convince the people that there truly exists a problem.

And, finally, our new leader must seek the wisdom of such wise sages who seek to remove from within the borders of our city the impurity of homes which lack central air and have detached garages, for this is an abomination.

This is why……..(dramatic pause)……….Your vote is not just a vote…….but a crucial deed that could dramatically change the landscape of Lakewood for generations to come!

But I digress.

Please join the political fray and cast your vote at the primary election on October 2nd and on November 6th for the general election. One voice can truly make a difference.