Those of you who've been reading my columns for any length of time are certainly aware of my thoughts concerning a great many things. Like everyone else in this world, I'm a big mixed-up hodgepodge of opinions. At times, I've probably leaned a little to the left, and at others, a little to the right. Like many if not most Americans, my opinions may seem, at times, to be inconsistent and devoid of conclusions.

There are, however, a few no-compromise thoughts that I've developed over the years, based purely on my personal experience. One of these I will call "The Exceptional Grace."

Having rules, regulations, standards, and codes of conduct is simply an accepted fact of life in society. In the study of Cultural Anthropology, one learns about different social norms and customs around the world. In elementary school Geography classes, we learned about how different people around the world ate, lived, and behaved. We learned about how laws and punishments varied from country to country, and how people traveled, what they wore, and how they earned their livings.

I remember in my junior high Social Studies class, for example, when the teacher would bring in an exotic food from different cultures on Fridays. I seem to remember that extra credit was offered to the brave soul who would try the food and report about it. As often as not, I stepped up to the plate and scooped up everything from fried grasshoppers to filet-of-snake. Of course, it probably helped that I've never had a sense of smell, so that was my little secret.

Now, as we all know, Americans are traditionally a congregating bunch of people. Older traditional groups--like sports teams, youth groups, religious organizations, and fraternities--have been joined by self-help organizations, health spas, fitness centers, charities, and common interest associations. Add to that the various chat rooms on the internet, and let's face it, we like our groups!

For the most part, I believe that groups serve a very socially healthy purpose. They combine a commonality of interest and purpose with acceptance and inclusion. They help us to define and refine our mission in the world as individuals. The fact is, one who did not belong to some kind of group these days would probably be regarded as a bit strange.

Still, there's one thing that bothers me about groups, and that is simply how so many of them treat the ones among them, who, for one reason or another, are unable to conform to all of their rules.

Actually, I tend to look at groups more or less favorably depending on how they treat those among them who may be unwilling or unable to conform. Now by that statement, I'm not referring to those who simply choose to raise Cain just because they can. There are a few people in just about every crowd who, for whatever reason, seem to love to bedevil the rest of us for the pure fun of it. These people I'll leave out of this conversation.

Instead, I'm thinking about a person who wants to remain with a group but finds something with that group that they cannot, in conscience, go along with. At that point, the once-friendly and inclusive group can become very unfriendly indeed, and may even cast the offending member out of its ranks.

I'm interested in exactly that point. How does a group treat the exceptions to their rule? Which groups have what I would term "Exceptional Grace," and which do not?

Let's look, for example, at a make-believe church. A hypothetical John and Susan attend a service, and the people are welcoming and friendly, and the church seems to square with their religious principles. After a few weeks, John and Susan discover that the tithe amount is a mandatory twenty percent of their income. Although this is twice the biblically stated maxim, they understand the church rule, but there are circumstances that would make the gifting of that amount extremely difficult for them. Perhaps there is sickness in their home, or perhaps they have an elderly dependent? For whatever reason, at that time, John and Susan do not feel they can follow the 20% rule in church giving. Before long, they are visited by the church leaders, who patiently explain that they have to give- or else, irrespective of their circumstances. After all, everyone must follow the rules.

There are those who would agree with those hypothetical church leaders, I'm sure. A rule is a rule, they would say. The trouble is that far too many times in my life, I've found myself in a situation where I was unable to follow an organization's rules. Once, I did not advance in a youth group partly because they had a physical requirement that I could not complete. Another time, I had to have college requirements waived and substituted for yet another reason relating to my physical conditions. At one point, I was discouraged from becoming a school teacher because I had a speech impediment (before the laws protecting those with exceptionalities were approved).

There's an old saying about how exceptions prove the rules. Over the years, as a special education teacher, however, it has been a pleasure to help others break through discriminatory, outmoded, and prejuducial rules of organizations determined to protect an unjust status quo. Unfortunately, in far too many schools today, standardized testing and other draconian rules can get in the way of individual differences and personal expression.

Still, these days I've found many other groups and even schools that have been warm, accepting, and inclusive. (Actually, many of the ones that weren't have become more so in the last few years). To afford to their members the grace of "making an exception" to their rules can be a wonderful grace, indeed.

Let's hear it, then, for "The Exceptional Grace"! It can be a beautiful experience, as we mark another week with the pulse of this city.