It has been a long-standing tradition among our camping group to go deep snow camping in the middle of winter - no tents, huge fires, sufficient libations, and long hikes through deep snow in the silence of winter. Don’t ask for explanations; if I have to explain, you can’t possibly understand. But, this year, age and reason got the better of us. Our annual winter camping excursion would be different. Oh, most certainly, there would be long hikes and sufficient libations, but no fires or deep silences…our weekend would be in Manhattan.

While everyone is certainly welcome to read the column which follows, this missive is directed more towards my male readers. More specifically, it is written for those male readers who hesitate to venture into the kitchen - those individuals who believe food preparation to involve only pouring milk over cereal, or “nuking” a hot pocket. If you fit into this category, there is an opportunity at hand; an opportunity which, if handled properly, could pay significant dividends. I am, of course, speaking of Valentine’s Day - a day of flowers, cards, and candy. A day to remember the love of your life with something a little special. And, what could be nicer than a romantic evening out to that special restaurant with a cozy table for two and no dishes? Not to throw a wet blanket on your plans, but let’s give it some thought.

There has been an ongoing discussion on the Lakewood Observer Observation Deck about how (or if) chutney differs from salsa and how both differ from the generic relish. A determination of where chutney ends and salsa begins and how both relate to relish is not of monumental importance. If you happen to like the taste of any product, it really doesn’t matter how it’s classified - just spoon it out and enjoy! What makes this quandary a trifle more interesting is how the demarcations between the three have blurred and how that reflects the larger issue of our own food standards morphing as new influences are incorporated. To understand this phenomenon, let’s first return to the pure state of each, before the lines began to blur.

There was a time in my life, when I wouldn’t have given so much as a shrug when contemplating food preparation in the wee hours. There were many late nights spent with friends during college making crepes at 2:00 am that seemed not only reasonable, but darn well appropriate. There were memorable Saturday nights during Law School, spent making a chocolate cake while watching SNL), or even the late night lesson in egg roll preparation. Like Dagwood Bumstead, there’s just something appealing about a late night raid on the refrigerator. But, as age and waistline both increase, those late forays into culinary pursuits have decreased, in inverse proportion. Until, that is, the slumber parties begin.

With the coming of the Christmas season, we find ourselves revisiting our yearly traditions. Favorite Christmas songs fill the air and boxes of heirloom ornaments are unpacked, Charlie Brown discovers the true meaning of the season and Ralphie takes care of Black Bart with his 500 shot Red Ryder air rifle (with the compass in the stock). And along with all the other trappings of the season, we once again enjoy the immortal tale of Scrooge as told by Dickens in A Christmas Carol.

My first real set of pots and pans were cobalt blue Le Creuset cookware that we purchased almost 30 years ago. I loved the stuff, but over the years, there were chips and discoloration of the insides. Even though Le Creuset is thin cast iron, it is, nevertheless heavy. And so, a few years back when my son moved into his first apartment, I decided to contribute my pots and pans. I thought at the time that there must have been advances, lighter materials, even non-stick surfaces to which I could upgrade. And so I became the proud owner of a set of Calphalon non stick pots and pans, along with the proper resin non-scratch utensils that are required to keep from damaging the nonstick surface. The point of this history is to explain why now, only 3 years later, and due to the disappointing performance of nonstick coating, I have undertaken research and testing to replace the nonstick pans whose nonstick surface has become unstuck.

Shortly, we will kick off that period of the year filled with the traditions of family gatherings, parties, and culinary treats that cause concern for anyone who is weight conscious. First comes Thanksgiving, resplendent with pumpkin pies, mashed potatoes and gravy, and all the trimmings. In no short order, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day follow this feast of a holiday. Interspersed, there are any number of office parties, neighborhood get-togethers, cookie exchanges, gifts of food, and maybe a fruitcake or ten. And, I, for one, am certainly not complaining! This time of year gives me a viable excuse to do the cooking that I love to do. Calories be damned; pass the eggnog (it goes so well with the mincemeat pie with brandied hard sauce)!

With the fall season, there are some traditional culinary events to which we all look forward. Of course, there’s Thanksgiving and all that goes with it. For the kids, there’s the candy bonanza of Halloween. Fall squashes, pumpkin pies, apple cider, tailgate parties, and haunted houses are all annual fall events that give us one last breath of the outdoors before the onset of cabin fever. But, I think one of my favorite treats of the fall culinary season is the mass availability of clambakes. I love those mollusks and the outdoor fun of the last picnic of the season. There is nothing like a clambake to make me “happy as a clam.� In point of fact, this uniquely American description of the joyful condition is actually an abbreviation of a slightly wordier bit of wisdom, but one that makes a good deal more sense. The actual phrase, as it was used in the 1830s, was “happy as a clam at high tide,� with high tide being the time of the lunar cycle when the clam was safely under water, protected from the rakes of those who would otherwise gather them on the tidal flats.

As the world becomes increasingly smaller, our ability and desire to enjoy foods that were once thought of as “out of season� or exotic are more times than not satisfied. Where we once had to wait for locally grown strawberries to ripen in June, we can now obtain the fruit all year long, courtesy of modern farming methods, shipment techniques and, in some cases, genetic engineering. This would appear, at first blush, a very positive development. I mean, after all, I like cantaloupe in January as much as I do in August. The seasonal swing no longer has meaning. Mangoes, papayas, pineapples and bananas are available despite the fact that they are grown thousands of miles from your local grocer.

For what follows, I hope my readers take no offense. I am merely pointing out the realities of the seasons and as painful as it may be to bid adieu to the warm days of summer, we nevertheless have to look forward to the process of pulling out long-sleeved shirts, preparing gloves and mittens and looking towards the chilly slide into winter.

A recent vacation found my family in a lovely rental home on the outer banks of North Carolina. The rental brochures had promised a newly redecorated home, a short walk to the beach, with a “gourmet� kitchen. The home was indeed quite lovely, with plenty of room for our family and the Schwinn family from Wooster, but my concern centered on the “gourmet� kitchen. All the major appliances were in place, plenty of ice for frozen drinks in the blender, a new range, microwave and dishwasher. Even the pots and pans were quite serviceable. But, after close inspection, there was a complete absence of a cutting board! How can you have a “gourmet� kitchen without a cutting board? Well, the answer, as it turns out, is quite simple. When no knife in the matched set of Kitchen Aid knives (in block) is sharp enough to cut warm butter, there is no need of a cutting board.

There are very few foods that I dislike. Pretty much, I’m willing to give anything a try. Even vegetables that are famously unpopular are okay by me. Brussel spouts, broccoli, rutabagas, I’m pretty much fine with all of them. But, I draw the line at zucchini. There, I’ve said it. I don’t like zucchini. I’m biased against it and undoubtedly, that bias will shade all that I have to say. Many people are fans of this green, cucumber like squash, but, what they really like are all the additional ingredients which are used to make this squash palatable. Ask any zucchini aficionado how they like the veggie, and nine times out of ten, they’ll tell you how delicious it is when sautéed with garlic, olive oil and topped with parmesan. In point of fact, what they really love is the garlic, olive oil and parmesan, because the squash itself has no independent flavor. It takes on the flavors that are added to it; a squash sponge. To make matters worse, the plants are prodigious. One zucchini plant, when properly fertilized provides enough fruit to feed a family of four, with nothing but zucchini for at least 2 months during the summer.

It never ceases to amaze me the profound impact that people we have never met, or only met in passing, can have on our lives. I’m not speaking of political office holders whose mandates impact our finances and every manner of our lives, but rather, the person whose message hits a deep resonance within our being and brings about some change in our lives. Many of us have read a book, heard a speaker or listened to a musical performance that has caused some epiphany within, an awakening that causes us to take a different path. Though it is unlikely that we will ever have the opportunity to meet the person who has had the impact, the reality of the effect remains. Some refer to such influences as their Muse. They provide us with inspiration.

The endeavor started out innocently enough. A couple of friends, the need to meet to discuss some pressing issues, and a lack of free time. The first question that arose seemed simple enough: “So, where do you want to eat?� But the apparent answer, “Let’s just grab a burger� created a plethora of issues. Pretty much any lunch joint serves a burger and there was little agreement on where to eat ours. And so was born the need to search out the most satisfying burger in the ‘Wood.

The grill is the cooking appliance of choice during the summer. Whether you use a Weber kettle, gas or even electric, most homes have the requisite tools for outdoor cooking. Turn on the gas, or light the charcoal, and in short order, those burgers are sizzling over an open flame and mouths are beginning to water. There is probably nothing that conjures up the image of Americana so much as a backyard barbeque. However, after a few months of simple grilled meats and veggies, we become somewhat jaded with our outdoor cooking experience. “Not burgers again!� “Let’s have spaghetti….please?�

As I remember, that Saturday dawned hot and sultry. But, as a nine year old, the July heat of summer wasn’t the burden that those muggy days would become for air conditioned dependant adults. So what if it was like a blast furnace outside, I’d been looking forward to this day for months.

In anticipation of the ‘Best Wings in Lakewood� competition to held on June 18, 2006 at Lakewood Park, I thought it might be appropriate to give some information and insight on that staple of bars and pizzerias, the “Buffalo� wing.

It seems that more and more people are enjoying the great outdoors, at least if you gauge interest on the sale of Goretex raingear and sport utility vehicles. But, more often than not, people who talk about “camping� are usually referring to driving that SUV to a campground, unloading a cooler full of food (and perhaps beverages) and putting on the Goretex raingear as shield against the drizzle they encounter going from cabin to car.

Spring brings with it some special opportunities for fresh foods that we have all missed during the (extremely) long cold winter. Sure, there's the first opportunity to fire up the grill, but what I speak of here are two vegetables that make their appearance with the spring, fat juicy asparagus and sweet Vidalia onions. While anymore, asparagus can be obtained year round, during April and May, it is always fresher, and certainly much less expensive. Likewise with Vidalias, an onion that is so sweet and mild that there are some that use it as a base for pies. Something about the climate and soil in the area of Georgia where they are grown makes them different then any other onion.

Silence of the Lamb (cake)

When Mr. Potter reviled the citizens of Bedford Falls as a “bunch of garlic eaters� in “It’s a Wonderful Life�, no doubt his derision stemmed from the garlic’s well deserved reputation as the anti-breath mint. It is justifiably called the “stinking rose� and without question, there are few ingredients which have a greater impact on the failure to obtain a goodnight kiss. Nevertheless, garlic is a well accepted ingredient in most cuisines, from the Pacific Rim, to Mexican and of course Italian. I would go so far as to opine that were it not for garlic, escargot would remain merely snails. So, let’s talk a little about this disrupter of romance.

I know it’s only March. I know that the warm days of summer are a few snow drifts away and that your Weber kettle is probably abandoned in a corner of the garage, amidst the leaves that you never got around to cleaning up last fall. But, this does not impact the importance of the message I bring. Spring is only a short hop away. March 21 will be here in a matter of days. For me, it is the official start of the barbecue season.

Shrimp and Pork Egg Rolls

The first person to guess where and what this is wins their choice of a free haircut at The Regal Beagle or a salon treatment at Revelations Salon, a $30 value. The next five receive a Lakewood Observer T-shirt.

From the beginning, I’ll plead “guilty� in employing an overused pun in the title of this column. I’m hopeful that the Observer readers will forgive my indulgence, but when one considers such things as my rabid fanaticism for the Cleveland Browns, Red Right 88, the Drive, the Fumble and the distinct probability that the only Super Bowl I’ll ever be involved with will be spelled “souper,� perhaps they’ll understand. So, with the caveat as to the title out of the way, on to the main course.