I was nineteen when I got my first waitressing job, on a break from college and needing extra money. It was an Italian restaurant that served loyal customers and hosted weddings and banquets. Serving can be a great job for young adults. It is fast cash and great exercise running around, and it really sharpens the mind when you have to remember the decaf coffee on table 43, that the meat isn’t cooked to medium-well on table 21 and needs to be returned, that table 13 wants an entire round of new beers, that table 18 is waiting for crayons for their children, and that eight dinners are ready and must be served immediately.

Fast forward twenty years when the mind, while still sharp, is overloaded with all the information a household of children bring. Waiting tables also trains you to hold your bladder for hours at a time and smile at everyone, even if your dog died the night before, your teenager told you he hates you before you walked out the door, and table number 24 has complained about everything from flat soda to slow service, even though they can plainly see that every table in the restaurant is filled and it is 7 PM on a Friday night. The pros and cons of waiting tables could fill a book, with all the positive and negative experiences and interactions. It has served me well over the years, during and after college, in between children, and currently during graduate school, only one night a week.

I won’t lie though, that one night a week wreaks havoc on my body for the 24 hours after I am done. I wish my body felt as young as my mind sometimes, but it can’t lie, and it reminds me what hard work waiting tables really is. There is a part to waiting tables that I love! I love talking to children, love talking to couples in love who are smiling and radiating joyful energy. I love nights when everyone gets their food on time, all drinks are refilled properly, and everyone is smiling and happy. There is a real sense of accomplishment when that happens, because, as every mother knows, that rarely happens at home. One kid all of a sudden refuses to eat a dish he has eaten for years, another spills her milk on the floor and demands to change the “menu” after dinner is cooked, and there is no dishwasher in the back room, nor a tip on the table. I think for that reason, the monetary “reward” left on the table while working means more than money toward a bill, it means “thank you for your service” which is something that refreshes the soul after a very long week.

I am not the kind of person who adds up percentages to see who is tipping enough. I don’t know personal situations and it usually balances out between the “good” tippers and the “not so good” tippers. And I would take a nice couple or family over a bigger tip any day. I personally need niceness in my life even more than money, which brings me to why I am writing about waiting tables. Last week was one of the most difficult weeks in my adult life, for various reasons, so showing up for my Saturday night job felt harder than usual. The wonderful thing though, is the bond that is created with your “little family” working with you can be just the support you need. And to be honest, 98% of customers are easy to smile at and easy to please. It is easy to let go of the other 2% when life is great, but much harder when you are barely holding it together, which is what prompted me to write some Do’s and Don’t's for dining out, after a late night table had the rudest behavior I have encountered.

DO expect to wait a little longer for your dinner if the restaurant is busy. Enjoy your company, chat about your week, play games with your kids, and expect the food to take the proper time it should with several dinners cooking.

DON’T take it out on your server if the food takes longer. If you want a fast meal, go to McDonald’s. If you don’t like sitting in a restaurant, please order take out.

DO know that your server is a human, can forget things at times, does have several other tables besides yours, and really is doing the best they can to help you have a nice dinner.

DON’T ask your server for a third or fourth soda refill, waving your glass in the air desperately, if you see her/him running around like a chicken with their head cut off trying to get hot food out and take people’s orders. If you have had at least two large glasses of soda, I guarantee you won’t die of dehydration before she gets back to your refill.

DO tell your server how everything is, good and bad, politely, just because it is the right thing to do. If you get exceptional service, please tell the manager. They need to hear the good things too, not just criticism, which we all tend to vocalize more than compliments sometimes.

DO know that owners, managers and cooks spend 60 – 80 hours and more trying to run a nice restaurant so that the rest of us can enjoy a night out. They work harder than I can tell you. If they make a mistake, cook a dish wrong, or forget something, please forgive them.

DO know that servers work primarily for tips. It is implied that 15-20% will be added to bills when dining out. Expect that, and know that the price of the meal is for the meal, the tip is for the person running around serving you, refilling drinks, taking orders, running hot food out, cleaning off your mess when you are done, resetting tables, making salads, etc. Unless they are completely rude and inattentive, they deserve a minimum of 15%.

DON’T go out to eat in a restaurant and ask a server to do all of the above if you can’t afford a 15% tip, or just don’t feel you need to give one. If that is the case, order take out.

DON’T go out to eat JUST to take your bad mood out on a server, because you can, because you know they have to smile and be your servant. Those who do this know exactly who you are. It is a power trip that no server deserves.

DON’T justify leaving a small tip because you think everyone around you will pick up the slack. Every tip matters. And when you are home in bed, with a satisfied stomach, your server is marrying ketchup bottles at midnight, wiping down salt and pepper shakers, vacuuming hundreds of people’s crumbs, cleaning bathrooms, and shoving cold food down their throats standing up because they haven’t eaten for hours.

DO treat your servers as you would want to be treated. The college students working their way through school deserve this, the over-thirty crowd raising children and/or working two jobs deserve this, and it is just the right thing to do.

Most of all, in a time where many are starving in the world, DO enjoy your food, your family and your life!