Four years ago we heard words that all too many parents hear today: “We suspect your son has autism”. We are the not the first parents to hear those words, and we won’t be the last. April is Autism Awareness Month, and there is a crying need for such a month. The Centers for Disease Control recently released updated numbers that 1 in every 150 children suffers from Autism Spectrum Disorders. Those numbers are staggering, but unfortunately they are very real - two of our children have Autism Spectrum Disorders. Although there is some disagreement as to why these numbers are so high – some experts say are just getting better at diagnosing Autism, others say the increases are due to vaccines – very little is really known about the true causes of Autism. What is known is that Autism affects children from all races, religions, incomes and lifestyles. It can affect any child, but is four times more common in boys than girls. Unfortunately many areas lack qualified health professionals to treat and diagnose Autism, which means many parents wait several months just to schedule appointments. This can be a disastrous setback, for although there is no cure for Autism, it can be treated. Early detection and treatment of autism can greatly improve the chances that children will lead happy, productive lives.

It was only a few months after our son was born that I started to worry he didn’t seem to be developing as he should. Our pediatrician reassured me that everything was fine, but I still had doubts. The months turned into years and still he didn’t seem to be like other children. He was almost four before he began to speak and he wanted nothing to do with other children. He was prone to throwing tantrums and was very picky about everything. He entered preschool and within weeks his teacher called me with her concerns. Finally someone agreed that all was not well. We promptly took him to a new pediatrician armed with observations from his teacher. That is when our lives changed forever. All I really heard was the word “Autism”. The doctor sent us to a specialist. I really knew nothing about Autism, did not even know of any autistic children, but I began to learn all I could. I cried, feeling I had lost my child. I didn’t want to believe it but in a way the diagnosis was a relief. A relief to know it wasn’t all in my mind, to know I wasn’t alone and we would get help. We lived in Lakewood and as soon as they suspected a disability our son was able to access special education services. He was moved in to a wonderful preschool program and began to receive the therapies he needed to succeed. We also made use of the Family Room. I had always known about the mothers groups that met there but was unaware they had a Special Needs Group. That Friday morning group became my lifeline. It was a place where my son was free to be who he was. No one judged him, or even me for that matter. I met other mothers in similar situations; it’s so nice to know you are not alone. I was able to find out about specialists and what I might expect. It was also a place to vent and receive the moral support that I so desperately needed. Because of the parents I met through The Family Room and the information I received there I knew I could handle my son’s disability. Thus I was prepared for the next blow.

In 2002 our fifth child was born and within a few months I knew he, too, was different. This time I would not be mollified by a simple “every child is different” or “he’ll grow out of it”. When my pediatrician told me that 18 months old was too young to diagnose anything I spoke to my older son’s specialist. She had me bring him in and began the process of diagnosis. Within a few months he was diagnosed with Autism. I still cried at his loss and my loss. I learned from our older child that you do lose. We lost the ability to be spontaneous, since most children with autism need routines and schedules. They don’t do well with chaos. We often felt uncomfortable going to anyplace that might be loud or crowded. Our son would scream or cry, he just couldn’t handle all the noise and action. Little things like going to the grocery store could be a nightmare. I honestly thought I was a pro, that by this time raising him would be easy.

I’ve found though that no one is a pro at raising autistic children. Autism is a spectrum disorder and as such every child can be different. Autism Spectrum Disorders, including Autism, PDD-NOS and Asperger’s Syndrome, can have many varying symptoms. The general symptoms are difficulties with social interactions, problems with verbal and non-verbal communication, and repetitive behaviors and/or obsessive interests. Autism is an invisible disorder that frustrates the best parents. My children may look “normal” but often don’t act that way. Public meltdowns are excruciatingly difficult. I see people stare and want to scream, “He’s not a spoiled child, I’m not a bad parent, he is autistic and something has set him off.” I’ve never screamed out in public but I do find that I am ultra-sensitive to looks from people. I am now very non-judgmental when I see children misbehaving in public; I never assume anything.

Having children with autism has taught me to be grateful for the little things. I take nothing for granted. I try and enjoy my children for who they are. In a way, we have been lucky. The health care in this community is extraordinary. While many areas lack the specialists needed to treat autism, both of the major hospital systems here have outstanding programs for autism treatment. The Lakewood School system has also had a tremendous affect on both of my children. Our older child has been in regular classes with minimal assistance. The school knows what types of help he needs and they make sure he receives it. Our younger child is currently assisted by the special needs preschool program. He is so different than when he entered the class almost two years ago. When he began preschool he would only play with trains; now loves his trains but is willing to play with other toys. Speech was almost non-existent; now he talks quite a bit. He was uninterested in other children before but now he plays with his classmates. Many of my friends say he seems just like any other preschooler. The reason for this is the early detection and treatment he received. When caught and treated early signs of autism can improve. I know my children will always suffer the effects of autism but I am confident they will live full lives. Perhaps not the lives many parents expect their children to have, but they will grow and we will provide all they need for their happiness. For now that is all I can offer. I do have hope that through more research and early diagnosis and treatment autism will affect less children. I believe that is a worthy dream.