It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Paris
Everywhere you go, take a look before you go steppin, the tree lawns are glistenen ...
While we don't have an Eiffel Tower, we do rival the City of Light's blighted sidewalks. And as Paris doesn't have tree lawns, the inconsiderate few who won't clean up after their dogs are giving Lakewood a lead on Paris when it comes to fouled sidewalks and lawns.
But as my Navy superiors taught me, I'm not just identifying a problem, I'm offering a solution.
To realign our public depositors' attitude - and borrowing an idea from the Parisian gendarmerie -I suggest the Lakewood Police deploy plainclothes officers to surveil and cite the slothful dog walkers. The department's black cars and penchant for hiding in the Toledo Edison substation on Bunts Road and the parking lot of Cove Methodist Church prove that it's up to this task.
Mr. Malley could even assign as head of this detail a certain detective whose selection of songs inappropriate to the occasion generated more support for the police a couple of years ago. Can you imagine the chagrin that hearing Cheech and Chong's "Cheborneck" while being questioned will cause among the sidewalk foulers?
To the responsible majority who clean up after their dogs, thank you. To the rest of you, clean up your act. Thank you.
Bob Soltys is a campus radical, former Navy officer, and the co author of "A Lucky Life."
Bob Soltys is a photographer, former Navy officer, and the coauthor of A Lucky Life.