Welcome Republican Convention!!!
I've been thinking lately about how Cleveland will be hosting the Republican National Convention for four days starting July 18 and that we Clevelanders should really roll out the welcome mat to make them feel more at home!
I had some ideas: Government subsidized mass transportation is a sore point with Republicans...it's socialism. We should shut it down for those four days. Otherwise, every time they saw an RTA bus or rail car they would feel bad. They can walk or take taxis or even buy their own cars while they are here!
Most taxes on the rich they hate, but sales taxes...they love those. Cleveland should institute a four day value-added (nice touch...no?) city sales tax of 25%. Its a win-win. Happier Republicans and happier city coffers.
Alcohol is pretty evil and most Republicans in the South recognize that. That's why so many counties down there are "dry." We should make Cleveland a "dry" city just to accommodate our guests for those four days. It would show them just how sensitive we are to their stricter moral scruples.
Pop-up gun trucks...like food trucks...that could be parked near all important Republican venues. All gun-buying restrictions would be waived for those four days including as many assault style weapons as anyone might want. Everyone would have a really great opportunity to exercise their Second Amendment rights and flaunt it in everyone's face. I think they would love that and I think the NRA would reward each and every one of them personally for supporting such an idea.
Special portable restrooms that would be marked "Republicans only!!!" behind every place of entertainment. That way they could be assured of not having to be embarrassed by any of that transgender business that they find so shocking. If they aren't ready for it, let's not force it on them. We should accommodate their special needs.
Guarantee that all food served will be strictly GMO. Organic food is elitist and should be forbidden. All meat should be guaranteed "factory farm" fresh with all the requisite antibiotics and animal growth hormones...fed strictly on GMO grains and the usual ground up leftover parts of butchered animals. Waste not...want not....it's even in the Bible!
That would be a start anyway.
I don't think we can do too much for our guests.
Let's create the kind of paradise that they can only dream of...and would like to impose upon us all...if only for four glorious days!
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